This my tumblr doe!

weeeeeeeeee druuuuuudrop bass in your face

"And it hurts so much to want something you can’t have."

Johnny Depp    (via johnny-derpp)

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I wish i could tumblr more often but i always see something that drives me into extreme depression and makes me wanna puke

Permalink · 6 months ago

Im begining to think no one really knows me, or maybe they ignore or dont care to notice what im really saying when i talk to them. My passive agressive undercover bitching. I shouldnt feel as worthless as i do. And nothing is gonna help it, the more i think the more i realize what or who my problem is. But the only way to stop is to hate. Which i can feel myself slowly doing, growing apart, growing tired. I know what i want and my expectations why do i settle for less? In ALMOST everyone i associate with. Well clearly its not working out for me and I’m repeating the cycle. Love then lose. Everything I love I lose never to hear from again friends, lovers, gifts, other material items. Like the universe is trying to tell me I deserve nothing. Maybe I do for just being who I am? The more I think the more I don’t know who that person is or what I’m really living for. Cause I’m not really living at all. Only opening and closing my eyes asorbing light and color. I barely feel real. I’m done trying to give myself to others. I’m done giving my all for nothing. If you don’t deserve to know me then you won’t. No matter the cost. I shouldn’t waste my energy on things that wouldn’t notice whether I’m alive or dead

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I find it hard to believe anything anymore. I find it hard to feel or care. Why should i? Everytime i do it never works out will. I get my heart broken, feelings hurt and stepped on. My life falls apart and im left standing in the rubble completely and utterly alone with people turning away and leaving. No one can help me no one cares to try. I understand everyone has their trials but im sick of being here alone what point is the human experience being alone 24/7. I have no will to live anymore i often wake up hoping its my last and today a fatal accident will occur. Theres nothing left for me here in this existence, nothing at all. I guess truthfully nothing ever was then. I dont even have the balls to kill myself so i walk and i suffer. I see the world and my future as bleak and just getting worse. Why should i try to be happier when i have literally nothing going for me…. Oh things will be ok, things will be fine. Thats an old wives tell. This world eats you alive… I have no family, no friends, no loved ones no nothing. Not a pot to piss in. I cant believe a single thing from anyone anymore. Im sad i want to die 24/7 thats the reality and everything else is a lie im never really happy. I dont exist, im fake, desocialized, disengaged, detached and worthless. Im martin roseman and this was all pointless as is my whole life.

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